An Anonymous Story
It was a hot summer day, I was getting ready for a birthday party while hubs went and washed the car. He came back and as I’m getting my stuff situated in order to leave the house his phone rings. I pick it up to take it to him when I notice it was a girl’s name. He instantly came to my direction and took the phone from my hands and shut it down. I looked at him, with my heart pounding out of my chest and asked him “is that your girlfriend?” To which answered “yes”. My life flashed over my eyes, those 9 years of marriage (almost 10) meant nothing at that moment. I walked away and locked myself in the bathroom. I immediately called his mother and asked her if the girl that visited my home with my sister in-law earlier during the month name was K. She answer “no”, to which I felt a huge relief but still not myself.
Meanwhile, he was outside the master breaking the door down with a hammer. After becoming successful, he asked me “what are you doing?” With insults and a semi smirk on his face. He approached me and said he was walking out to which I flipped out.
What they don’t tell you is that; when you find out about an infidelity your heart breaks. It breaks into a million pieces and you feel like you have to pick them up as soon as possible before there’s nothing left of you. That you would have so many emotions at once and that you’ll never fully trust anyone ever.
What they don’t tell you is that; you’ll see yourself differently. That you no longer love yourself. That you feel insecure, depressed, betrayed, played, and used. That no matter who tells you how valuable you are, you don’t believe it. All because it doesn’t come from the person who you gave your whole life to. So all that turns into rage. The anger builds up in a matter of seconds and you act upon it.
What they don’t tell you is that you can’t listen to your heart when you are hurt. It makes you irrational and weak, at least in my case. I gave him another chance to find out that he had continued being with her for two weeks after we had promised each other a new beginning. I broke again this time worse than the last time and in front of many.
What they don’t tell you is that even though he hurt you, you still love him and would do anything to be with him. I’m so afraid of being a failure that I have stayed in a relationship that has no future. I don’t know how to be better or make anything better. What they didn’t tell me was how to leave a damaged relationship. For that reason, I turned to this community hoping for someone who has been there and can say what they didn’t tell me.